Tensions within a family can quickly rise when certain members fail to find common ground. Unfortunately, this often holds true for the relationship between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. The root cause may lie in the challenge of a mother-in-law coming to terms with her son having a family of his own, where she is no longer the central figure in his life.
A particular case was shared on the AITA subreddit, where a woman recounted her experience. The conflict began when she got married, and her mother-in-law insisted on moving in with her and her husband. Despite the woman’s reservations, her husband was steadfast in his decision to welcome his mother into their home.
The MIL, who felt resentment towards the woman because she believed she had stolen her son from her, lacked boundaries. Among the rest, she manipulated her son at will.
At the time, the couple had two children, a two-year-old son and a six-month-old daughter. The girl was a cheerful one and rarely cried. She would often smile at her grandma, but as the woman noticed, her MIL would never smile back. It was as though she didn’t like the children too.
The woman’s husband worked from home, but he was on his computer all the time, so when the woman wound a part-time job, it was the MIL who took care of the children.
Later on, however, the woman noticed a drastic change in her children’s behavior, but she was aware that speaking to her husband wouldn’t change anything because he would just dismiss her observations. So, she decided to install a camera in the house and be sure that her MIL treats the little ones as she was supposed to.
One day, while checking on the camera she secretly installed, the woman was shocked to hear her MIL spending hours berating her in conversation with her husband.
But was was even more shocking was how the MIL verbally abused her children. She referred to them as pigs and monkeys, among the rest. The MIL repeatedly told the girl that she’s hated and not loved by anyone.
“She [spent] around 6 hours talking to my babies like that and verbally [abusing] them,” the woman said of her MIL.
When she confronted her husband about it, he criticized her for recording their private conversations. “When I talked to my husband about what happened and made him listen to the audio, first he told me that I was out of limit and I was out of character to put a [recorder] in the house,” the wife noted.
Further, the husband said that his mother had a problem with her, not the children. He defended her and tried to rationalize her behavior towards the kids.
But besides what her husband thought, the woman made a firm decision not to let her MIL around her children if there is no another adult with them.
“[My husband] told me that I can be mad at his mother, but the kids are not mad at her, I am the one who has a problem with his mother but the kids don’t have any problem with her and [it’s] petty of me to not allow her to see the kids again,” shared the woman. “He also said that I have to do the right thing, her mom is still the [kids’] grandmother, the kids must have a relationship with her and I have to let go.”
Two weeks after the incident, the MIL returned to her home country, but six months later, she returned again. The husband tried to convince the woman to let her live with them again, but she said no.
The husband then decided to find a separate apartment for his mother. The woman is still not letting her MIL be around her children all by herself but wonders if she’s too harsh and whether she should reconsider her decision or not.
The redditors stood by her side and told her she wasn’t in the wrong.
In an update post, the woman thanked everyone for their time to read her story and share their opinion on the matter, adding that she hadn’t changed her decision, advocating for her children regardless of the consequences.
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