Vanessa Marin, a seasoned se-x therapist from California with over 20 years of experience, has taken to social media to share vital advice for couples looking to enhance their intimacy. Through her platform, @vanessandxander, she highlighted four crucial behaviors to avoid in the bedroom, emphasizing the importance of kindness, communication, and empathy.
Drawing from her own relationship with her husband, Xander, Vanessa explained: “For Xander and me, it’s taken years to figure out what a supportive, compassionate, and accountable relationship looks like. Remember, you are a team, and you can work together to create a relationship that feels even more supportive and compassionate.”
Here are the four key takeaways from Vanessa’s advice:
1. Don’t Expect One Partner to Always Initiate Sex
Vanessa believes initiating intimacy should never fall solely on one person. In her relationship, she ensures her husband isn’t always expected to take the lead just because he’s “the man.”
Studies suggest men enjoy it when their partner initiates sex, and many women wish they could take the lead more often. However, societal, cultural, and biological factors often hold them back. Breaking this pattern can lead to a healthier dynamic.
2. Avoid Pressuring Your Partner
Vanessa advises against pressuring a partner if they’re not in the mood for intimacy. Libidos naturally fluctuate, and making someone feel guilty for not wanting sex is harmful to both the relationship and individual well-being.
Respecting boundaries and allowing space for natural desire to return fosters a more supportive and loving connection.
3. Communicate Openly About Desires
Fear of hurting a partner’s feelings should never prevent open communication about sexual preferences. Vanessa encourages couples to discuss boundaries and expectations patiently and respectfully.
“Go slow,” she advises. “Don’t expect transformative change overnight.” Research supports this, showing that couples who openly communicate about their desires experience greater sexual satisfaction.
4. Respond Empathetically to Performance Issues
A negative reaction to performance issues, such as erectile dysfunction, is a major mistake. Vanessa stresses the importance of avoiding self-centered responses like crying, pouting, or accusing a partner of lacking attraction.
Erectile dysfunction is common, affecting over half of men aged 40 to 70. Misinterpreting it as a reflection of one’s desirability can create unnecessary strain. A Superdrug study found that while some women’s confidence was impacted by their partner’s ED, 60 percent said it had no effect on their relationship. Empathy and understanding are key to navigating such challenges together.
Final Thoughts
Vanessa Marin’s advice serves as a reminder that a thriving intimate relationship requires effort, communication, and compassion. By addressing these common missteps, couples can foster a more supportive and fulfilling connection. Whether you’re navigating new challenges or simply looking to strengthen your bond, her insights offer a valuable roadmap to a healthier love life.
Featured Image Credit: TikTok/vanessaandxander/Getty Stock Images
