Meet Wendi Aarons, a vibrant resident of Austin, Texas, who recently embarked on an amusing quest to share her thoughts with Proctor and Gamble regarding their maxi pad products. The end result? A hilariously entertaining letter that snagged PC Magazine’s prestigious 2009 Editors’ Choice award for the best email communication. Prepare yourself for a good laugh as we dive into Wendi’s one-of-a-kind letter:
“Dear Mr. Thatcher,
For two decades, I’ve remained a faithful user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads, finding solace in their many features. Thanks to the LeakGuard Core and Dri-Weave absorbency, I’ve fearlessly indulged in horseback riding and salsa dancing, even daring to sport tight, white shorts on the beach.
However, my absolute favorite innovation has to be your ingenious Flexi-Wings. Hats off to you for recognizing the vital necessity of aerodynamic maxi pads. I can’t express enough how I feel reassured each month, knowing there’s a little F-16 fighter jet in my pants. Oh, the wonders of the human body!
Now, Mr. Thatcher, have you ever experienced the joys of a menstrual period? I’m inclined to believe you haven’t. As I write this, hormonal forces are wreaking havoc within me. In a matter of minutes, my body will transform into what my husband lovingly refers to as ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t it amazing?
Given your esteemed position as Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’re likely well-acquainted with the extensive research on what happens during our monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo.’ Bloating, puffiness, cramping — the works. Let’s not forget our delightful mood swings, crying jags, and moments of pure chaos. You must understand, it’s a challenging time for most women.
And here’s the crux of my letter. Imagine, during one such excruciating bout of cramps, I unwrapped an Always maxi-pad only to find these words on the adhesive backing: ‘Have a Happy Period.’
Seriously? Are you kidding me? Does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain genuinely believe that happiness, in the form of smiles and laughter, is possible during a menstrual period? Did any of the above sound even remotely pleasurable to you, James? Just so you know, unless you’re into some bizarre S&M stuff, there’s absolutely nothing ‘happy’ about a day when you have to chug Motrin and Kahlua and barricade yourself at home to prevent a Walgreen’s rampage armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan for a dramatic exit.
For heaven’s sake, please snap out of it! If you must imprint a dim-witted message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it be more relevant to say something like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’?
Sir, kindly inform your Accounting Department that I shall be taking my maxi-pad business elsewhere, resulting in an $8 dip in your monthly profits effective immediately. While I’ll miss your Flexi-Wings, I won’t miss your patronizing nonsense for a single moment. That’s a promise I intend to keep.
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